Timothy Paez is the man. He’s got moves that, well, nobody else has ever tried. And with good reason. The only date he picked up last Saturday night was an arraignment date.
Paez went out to Shooter’s Bar & Grill in Boulder, Colorado. At 11:45, a woman caught his eye, and Paez knew better than to try conversation. Falling back to a favorite move, he crept up behind her, and, wordlessly put his arm around her. The woman turned around, looked at the pathetic drunk, and said “Um, really?”
A lesser man would have been deterred, but Paez thought worse of it. Taking a step back, he dropped his pants and began urinating on the woman, perhaps reasoning that wolves mark their territory through urination. The woman turned to see the source of the liquid, expecting it was beer, and was shocked to see Paez’s exposed penis, from which a shimmering, golden stream of liquid emerged.
As this was not to her liking, the bar’s friendly staff helped Paez outside and to a local police officer.
Paez was unintelligible but managed to confess, kind of:
The officer said Paez admitted to urinating on someone, but could not clearly say who, according to the report. At one point he thought he had urinated on another male, but then retracted that statement, according to the report.
Paez was arrested on suspicion of public indecency and harassment and taken into custody.
You’ve got to be pretty far gone to know you urinated on someone, but not have any conception of who. Classy!
- Arby’s Customer Sues Restaurant Because Using The Urinal Shouldn’t Result In Burnt Genitals (consumerist.com)
- Man Accused Of Urinating On Woman During Argument (tampa.cbslocal.com)