Archive for the ‘Boggles the Mind’ category

Boston Globe Haunted By Ghost Of Its Former Self

March 10th, 2008

While reading the Boston Globe last week, we were surprised to learn that Ghost trackers detect ‘presence’ in town building. Apparently, faced with plummetting profits, the Globe editors have begun to run old stories from the dear, departed Weekly World News.

What else explains the breathless, credulous reporting of this story:

The ghost trackers who spent Monday night at Town Hall investigating eerie footsteps that echo upstairs said they found something that may indicate a paranormal presence.

The two-member team from Paranormal Institute of New England said their laser thermal detector – which measures dramatic drops in temperature that some say indicate the presence of spirits – went temporarily haywire, soaring up, not down. A digital camera that ghost tracker Len Anderson was using also went on the fritz.

“That’s usually an indication of a presence,” he said.

Anderson and his fellow ghost tracker, Ed Beaulieu, are busy this week reviewing the film and audiotapes they obtained Monday night. Spirits are not visible to the naked eye, they say, but do register in photos, videotape, and recordings. Anderson and Beaulieu do not intend to release the full results of their excursion into the paranormal until next week, when they meet with selectmen, who allowed them to investigate rumors of the otherworldly in the 135-year-old building.

Beaulieu said that he didn’t sense a definite unearthly presence in the cavernous room during the investigation, as he has in other locations, but that doesn’t mean there were no spirits present. It’s also possible, he said, that spirits were scared off by reporters who accompanied them on the exploration.

The two may return, by themselves, for another check

Some have claimed that the death of the newspaper is greatly exaggerated; We have proof that it is not: We have seen its ghost.

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Department of Defense runs out of email addresses

May 16th, 2007

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Apparently, the Department of Defense has run out of email addresses. In the flyer distributed throughout Baghdad announcing a reward for information on missing soldiers, tipsters are urged to send email to a yahoo.com email address(baghdadtipshotline@yahoo.com). The military has apparently been using this address for some time, as it is mentioned in an article on the Fort Drum website from January 2005.

One wonders about the genesis of this. Presumably concerns of professionalism and security were pushed aside in favor of expedience; this is likely the electronic equivalent of troops armoring their own vehicles.

We hope and pray for the safe and quick return of Sgt. Anthony J. Schober, 23, of Reno, Nev.; Spc. Alex R. Jimenez, 25, of Lawrence, Mass.; Pfc. Joseph J. Anzack Jr., 20, of Torrance, Calif.; and Pvt. Byron W. Fouty, 19, of Waterford, Mich. We just hope that bureaucracy and process are not impeding their rescue.

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iPod saves Soldier’s Life

April 8th, 2007

Damaged Ipod

A soldier on patrol in Iraq had his life saved by this iPod. An insurgent fired at him at close range. and he was hit where his iPod was in his jacket pocket. It slowed the bullet down enough that it didn’t completely penetrate his body armor, and he escaped unharmed. More info and pictures here.

We knew the iPod was everywhere…even Iraq. We know you can do all sorts of things with it, and enterprising manufacturers are building accessories that integrate it into clock radios, speakers, etc. We did not know Apple was marketing it as a lifesaving device. Apple has offered to replace the iPod, as have several organizations. Apple should ask to include this in their slogan. “Wear your iPod…it just might save your life.”

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Everything Including the Kitchen Sink

April 6th, 2007

Someone placed a fake ad on Craigslist, inviting people to take whatever they wanted for free from a Tacoma, WA rental property. The owner, Laurie Raye, recently evicted her tenant and cleaned out the place. However, a phone call alerted her to the destruction caused. She found the outside trashed, the inside nearly gutted and covered in graffiti.

The house was virtually dismantled. The light fixtures, hot water heater, the front door, the windows…even the kitchen sink. Her neighbors later reported seeing strangers hauling stuff away from her home, seemingly looking for salvage material.

An off-duty police officer noticed the ad, inviting people to enter the house, and later noticed the ad was flagged and cancelled after a reported burglary. Raye believes the poster had a personal grudge against her, and commented that, “The instigator who published this ad invited the public to come in and vandalize me.”

When Raye contacted Craig’s List, she received an email back saying they can’t release information about who posted the ad without a subpoena or search warrant. News story available here.

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Not Going Postal

March 4th, 2007

Going to the Post Office is a pain in the neck. Our neighborhood is apparently so dangerous that they need thick plexiglass there. Some think it is to protect the postal workers from robberies…but we think it is to prevent angry customers from rushing the postal employees.

The Associated Press recently reported that as part of a “retail standardization plan,” clocks have been removed 37,000 post offices. Unless they start medicating us while on line, I think with or without a clock, a visit to the post office is going to take a long time.

We recently gave up and bought a postal scale and started using Click N Ship on the USPS website. You can mail order everything you need. The Post Office will send you priority mailer boxes free of charge, as well as all the other postal equipment you need. And we bought blank shipping labels. With any luck, we’ll never have to see the inside of a post office again…

If we only could find a way to deal with our less than professional mail carrier…

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There is Cell Service in Nicaragua?

January 29th, 2007

Oliver Desofi, a 77-year old retired bank executive, has won a battle with Cingular…thanks to the efforts of the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. Cingular refused to remove more than $31,000 in roaming charges for calls that he said he never made.

Desofi couldn’t have made these calls…as all the over 4,000 calls were made in Nicaragua…a place he has never been. He complained of fraud…Cingular disagreed. We wonder they assumed Mr. Desofi was sleepwalking…or suffers from amnesia about his trip to Nicaragua. They cancelled his account when their fraud department could not find any problems.

While now, the bill has been credited, and an additional $120 added for the inconvenience…should he wish to return…Mr. Desofi does not plan to return to Cingular.  We don’t blame him.

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Tales of the Undead

January 24th, 2007

We are not sure which is harder…trying to get yourself declared not dead when an organization thinks you are, or trying to convince an organization that your loved one has died and thus will not need them anymore…

  • Sprint refuses to cancel the account of a man’s brother, who died suddenly in December. After over forty minutes, the best he could get was a $5.95 a month vacation hold. He had all the information and passwords, but no death certificate for eight to ten weeks, since he passed in his sleep with no apparent cause of death. There is no indication they even informed him they would do so when such a document was available.
  • Verizon has done just the opposite, declaring Catherine McCall, a Verizon retiree, deceased, even though she is not. In August, she lost her husband, and in early November, notified the company to stop sending a stipend to pay her husband’s medical costs. Not long after, a letter arrived addressed to her estate, demanding the return of the September through November pension checks, and a letter to her husband, advising that since his wife was dead, he was no longer eligible for the stipend. Despite vows to repair the problem, she did not receive a December or January pension check…as this Philadelphia Inquirer suggested, perhaps the slogan, “We Never Stop Working for You,” is inaccurate.
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Baby Born Early As Father Can’t Bear To Miss Bears

January 22nd, 2007

Generally, the attendance of a father at his child’s birth is not optional. This potentially put Chicago Bears superfan Mark Pavelka in a bind. Pavelka had scored much coveted tickets to Sunday’s NFC Championship Game against eh New Orleans Saints, but with his wife pregnant and due on Monday, the prospect of birth and sport colliding put him in a quandry.

His wife, Colleen Pavelka, perhaps fearing what Mark’s decision might be, opted to be induced on Friday to avoid the conflict. Said Mrs. Pavelka: “I thought, how could [Mark] miss this one opportunity that he might never have again in his life?”

It is unclear whether Mrs. Pavelka was referring to the game or the miracle of his son being born.

Our blood is as red as that of the next American, but we think this calls for some perspective. Are sports entertaining? Yes. Is it an electrifying experience to be in a stadium full of myriads of fans cheering on a team to which they have arbitrarily pledged allegiance despite having absolutely no real connection? Yes. Is its importance even remotely comparable to attending the birth of one’s child? Not even close… though we might be more understanding if it were a Yankees game.

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Tiggers Ain’t Such Wonderful Things

January 15th, 2007

You go on vacation with your family to Disney World…one of the ‘Most Wonderful Places on Earth’, and a costumed man dressed as Tigger sucker punches your fourteen year old son. But at least you capture it on video.

Tigger claims it was “self-defense”…and exactly what led up to the event in front of his parent’s camera is unclear. Was he deserving of violence? Tigger has been suspended, and rightly so. The general manager apologized, and offered compensation…all Jerry Monaco claims he wants is an apology from Tigger.

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Blogger Finds Own Apartment Listed on Craigslist

January 15th, 2007

As proof the Internet is a dangerous place…someone harvested a woman’s blog to produce pictures and details about her apartment and used them to post an ad on Craiglist advertising an apartment for rent.

The blogger, Beth, found out about it when a stranger called about the apartment. Beth contacted ‘Beth’, the one who wanted to rent the apartment, and was told she was in Fremont, CA and could not show it. Instead, ‘Beth’ would overnight the keys if Beth sent her $1500, and if she didn’t like it, ‘Beth’ would send her the money back. Beth couldn’t speak to ‘Beth’ over the phone because she was a ‘deaf-mute.’

The lesson…be careful what you reveal about yourself online. Honesty is good, but personal information should be avoided.

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Shortchanged? Set the Place on Fire

January 15th, 2007

WFTV Florida reports that an angry woman is accused of setting a Walgreens on fire. One moment…she was angry about receiving incorrect change, and the next, she was going up and down the aisles lighting things on fire with a lit cigarette.

In the Walgreens TV commercials, they recount the story of the town of Perfect. The idea being that if you can’t be in ‘Perfect’, why not try Walgreens? Nobody is perfect…of course, most of us don’t burn down the house to protest imperfection.

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Super Bad

January 11th, 2007

We understand that it’s not unusual for passionate people to argue. However, a recent fight between Dan Gulley Jr. and David James Brooks Jr. reminds us of Henry Kissenger’s oft-quoted dictum “University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.”

The men, who were friends, were at another friend’s house recently when they began to discuss the height of the recently late Godfather of Soul, James Brown. Their discussion became an argument, and Gulley, unwilling to concede his point, drew his gun and shot Brooks twice in the abdomen. Brooks fled to his car, got his own gun and returned fire, missing Gulley. They then both separately went to the police station where Brooks was taken to the hospital and Gulley was arrested.

To us, the question of Mr. Brown’s height is trivial, but perhaps we misjudge its importance. A recent poster(perhaps Mr. Brooks) recently asked the question on Yahoo Answers, saying “Does Anyone Know How Tall The Late R&B Legend Was? I Have Been Dying To Know.” The answer, as that questioner discovered, is 5 foot 6 inches tall. Though we suppose it would be more accurate to describe Mr. Brown’s current height as six feet under.

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Best Buy Asks Man to Change Name

December 30th, 2006

A Customer Service Representative at Best Buy suggested to Charles Yu that he change his name in order to join the Best Buy Reward Zone program. Reward Zone is one of those free programs that allows people to accumulate points through purchases towards rewards.
However, the online sign up form would not allow him to sign up because it doesn’t allow a name of less than three characters. Best Buy was also unable to override this and sign him up over the phone. KGO-TV of San Francisco contacted Best Buy on his behalf. They claim they have already made a decision to correct this, but they have no definite timeline for the fix, and are sending Charles a gift card that is meant to tide him over.

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Sam’s Club sells Family Styrofoam Cake

December 30th, 2006

The Kavalaris family gathered round the table on Christmas Day to celebrate a double-birthday…Jim, age 37, and his grandmother, age 96. The cake, purchased by Jim’s mother, was was decorated with the words, “Happy Birthday, Mom and Jim.”

After the candles were blown out, Jim tried to chisel out a piece, finding it strangely hard to do. He thought about putting it in the microwave, thinking it was frozen. When he finally separated out a piece, he discovered it was not a real cake, merely a styrofoam mold covered in frosting.

The Lansing State Journal contacted Sam’s club on his behalf, and the manager theorized that an employee must have picked up a styrofoam display cake thinking it was real. He issued a refund for the cake, a fresh cake decorated like the original, and a hundred dollar gift card. Kavalaris donated the card to charity.

Happy Birthday to Jim and Mom…may all your future birthday cakes be biodegradable.

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Dying for a Good Deal

December 17th, 2006

In Mentor, Ohio, firefighters were surprised to discover shoppers in a Dillards South store kept buying even as thick smoke filled the store from an electrical fire. They had to block the door to prevent customers from entering.

We know that Christmas sales can be cutthroat…but are people really dying for a good deal? “Daddy can’t be here this evening, little Timmy…because he is in the hospital burn unit…How did he get there? He almost got out in time…but he spotted the last Tickle Me Elmo and refused to leave a good deal behind.”

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The Curious Disappearance of Mariesa Weber

November 27th, 2006

Mariesa Weber, a 38 year old Winn-Dixie cashier lived with her parents and her sister. Late in October, she came home, greeted her mother, went to her room, and disappeared. For 2 weeks, the family searched for her, believing she had been abducted. They distributed fliers and appealed for her return on television. All the while an incresingly foul odor developed in her room in the house they shared. Unable to locate her, the family attributed the odor to dead rats in the walls.

Finally, two weeks after she disappeared, her sister made a horrifying discovery. Feeling behind a bookshelf, she touched a foot. Further investigation confirmed that it was indeed the body of Mariesa. Apparently while attempting to adjust the plug to her television, Mariesa fell headfirst off a dresser and became lodged behind the bookshelf where she asphyxiated.

This reminds us of the time we got bored playing hide and seek and gave up trying to find the hider, who was ensconced in a very clever spot. Hours later, she came out, and she was quite upset. Well, now we can say to her, with great confidence, it could have been far worse. But you probably don’t want to have either us or the Webers on your search party should you go missing.

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Terrell Owens Sportsman of The Year Award Nominees

October 23rd, 2006

A recent rash of articles crossing our desk has inspired us to create an award to recognize those involved in youth sports who do the most to promote, how do we put this, differently-valued sportsmanship. We’re big tent people, and certainly wouldn’t deign to impose our outdated definitions of sportsmanship on today’s youth. Clearly these other approaches have won out in the marketplace of ideas, so it’s time to recognize those who have done the most to further this new and exciting era of sports. And as we could not think of an athlete who exemplifies this trend more than Terrell Owens, we’ve decided to name the award in his honor. We’ll start out with 2 nominees below, but encourage reader submissions in the comments.

1) Wayne Derkotch: Unhappy with the amount of playing time his son was receiving in a 6 and 7 year old football game, Mr. Derkotch pulled a gun on the coach. Mr. Derkotch had the presence of mind to flee before anyone was injured, and was later arrested.

2) Mark R. Downs Jr.: Mr. Downs was convicted of paying one of the players he coached $25 to twice bean a mildly autistic player on his own team so he would be unable to play in a little league playoff game. The 9 year old autistic boy was hit once in the groin and once in the ear, and has since been afraid to participate in new activities. At the sentencing, the judge stated “These acts are extremely outrageous and extremely reprehensible since the defendant was involved in the coaching of a youth league.” How quaint. Apparently the judge is not familiar with the new era of sportsmanship.
Remember to submit additional paragons of sportsmanship and check back here for the finalists and winners.

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Go-go? No, stop stop!

September 27th, 2006

A Bangkok radio station’s attempt to entertain military troops by hiring a contingent of go-go dancers has been rebuffed by the leaders of Thailand’s coup. Said a military spokesman “We have to maintain the seriousness of the coup.”

The Thai Ministry of Silly Walks was unavailable for comment.

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Knowledge of the law is no excuse

September 27th, 2006

A Brazilian woman, illegally living and working in Britain, has been convicted of blackmailing a female immigration judge who had employed her. Roselane Driza also had an intimate relationship with another (male) immigration judge and stole 2 explicit video tapes from him, one featuring him and the first judge in flagrante delicto. In addition, Driza claimed that the tape showed the female judge snorting cocaine. Evidence presented included text messages from the male judge to Driza, calling her, among other things, “chilli hot stuff.”

According to the Sun, “The conduct of the Judges involved may be investigated.” Granted, we’re not familiar with the rules of English jurisprudence, or the ethical codes thereof. But it seems to us that at the very least, immigration judges who are known to have employed or engaged in any relationship with illegal aliens must immediately be removed from their positions. To do otherwise would be to make a mockery of the law. Or to prove true the words of Dickens’ Mr. Bumble: “The law is a ass — a idiot.”

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Worst Thing Ever

September 27th, 2006

Steve Silver calls it the “worst thing ever” and we can’t disagree. A young mother returned to the homeless shelter where she was staying after a night of drinking. After retrieving her baby from a sitter, she went to sleep with the baby and sometime later, vomited into a bucket of cleaning solution near her bed. At some point later, the baby fell off the bed and drowned in the bucket of vomit. The New York Times reports:

“It sounds like a tragic accident,” said Judge Alexander Jeong, as Ms. DeJesus sat before him, her face buried in her hands. But, the judge added, “there was some responsibility.”

Our reaction to this surprises even us. Though we are usually all in favor of harsh punishment, we wonder what purpose it serves here. The mother was clearly negligent, but can any punishment hold a candle to the pain she must already feel? In such a horrific case, it’s easy to demand a pound of flesh, but the harder choice, compassion, would appear to be the more proper course.

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