Woman accused of trading baby for pickup truck

Taking care of kids is such hard work. You have to wash them, wax them, change the filters, rotate the tires, make sure the fluids are full…

Heather Ann Kaminsky of Palatka, Florida, was clearly not up to the task of caring for such a sophisticated creature. So instead, she decided to trade the baby for… a 1999 Dodge Ram pickup truck. Let me say that again. SHE GAVE UP HER CHILD FOR A 13 YEAR OLD TRUCK EXCLAMATION POINT EXCLAMATION POINT ONE ONE ONE EXCLAMATION POINT

Now, let’s be clear. The 1999 Dodge Ram is an automotive work of art, worth its weight in pacifiers. But really, Heather Ann? You couldn’t do any better than that?

Wait, what’s that? “According to deputies, Kaminsky sold the truck for $800 and someÂ methamphetamines.”

Oh, that makes it OK. Never mind then.