Space Mountain: A Journey Through the Most Baffling Nonsense Disney Ever Built

Space Mountain opened in Walt Disney World 50 years ago, on January 15, 1975. It has thrilled millions of “space travelers”, probably you among them. But have you ever stopped to think about Space Mountain? Really think about it? Because if you do, you’ll realize it might be the most absurd concept in theme park history. Somehow, Disney decided that putting a rocket in a mountain to simulate a trip through space was a logical idea, and we all just went along with it. But how does it make sense? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. Let’s break it down.

Step 1: Welcome to Starport Seven-Five, the Mountain Space Station

First, you enter the queue. You’re told this futuristic building, with its iconic pointed dome, is called Starport Seven-Five. It’s a hub for interstellar tourism, apparently. But why does it look like a mountain? Who in their right mind would design a space station to resemble an Earthly landform? Surely the vastness of space offers more imaginative architectural possibilities than “a really big triangle.”

And what’s with the interior? You shuffle through dimly lit corridors lined with glowing panels and random space trivia, as if that’s supposed to distract you from the fact that you’re about to launch into the stars from…inside a mountain. Shouldn’t there be a better explanation for this? Did some intergalactic architect win an award for “best thematic mismatch”?

Step 2: The Boarding Area—The Mountain’s Hidden Rocket Launchpad

Next, you reach the loading area. This is where the “story” really starts to fall apart. You’re told you’re boarding a rocket for a thrilling space mission. But why is the rocket inside the mountain? Did they hollow it out just for kicks? Was there no open land available to build a proper spaceport? This place looks like a 1970s airport baggage claim. And let’s not even start on the ride vehicles themselves. These “rockets” look like a cross between a bobsled and a roller coaster car. Are we sure this thing is spaceworthy?

Step 3: The Ride Itself—Space Travel on a Budget

Finally, the big moment arrives. Your rocket begins its slow ascent, simulating a launch. The mountain rumbles around you, and you think, “Okay, maybe this is where it’ll start making sense.” Nope.

As you crest the first hill, you’re suddenly in “space,” which apparently looks like a pitch-black room with some twinkling lights. You whip around tight turns, dodging meteors and stars, which all seem to exist unnaturally close to each other. It’s fun—don’t get me wrong—but scientifically accurate it is not. Why does it feel like the “mountain” somehow contains the entirety of outer space? Did Disney discover a wormhole to another dimension inside this peak-shaped building?

Step 4: Re-Entry—Back to the Mountain’s Space Base

Eventually, your rocket slows, and you glide through a glowing tunnel that simulates re-entry. Wait, re-entry? Re-entering what? Didn’t we start inside a mountain? Did we leave Earth’s atmosphere? Is this just a really fancy round trip to nowhere? The ride ends, and you’re unceremoniously deposited back at the station, as though none of this lunacy needs further explanation.

Step 5: The Gift Shop—Because Space is for Souvenirs

You exit into Tomorrowland Light & Power Co., a gift shop filled with space-themed merchandise. And that’s when it hits you: this whole ridiculous journey was just an excuse to sell T-shirts and plushies. You traveled through a “space mountain” and came back with a souvenir mug. Talk about a letdown.

The Verdict: Delightfully Ridiculous

Here’s the thing: Space Mountain’s story doesn’t make sense. Not even a little bit. But maybe that’s the point. It’s not about logical consistency or narrative coherence. It’s about throwing you into a dark building, blasting you with lights and sounds, and letting your imagination fill in the gaps. And you know what? It works. It’s a masterpiece of absurdity that somehow manages to be one of the most beloved attractions in Disney history, creating amazing memories for a half century.

So the next time you’re rocketing through the void inside a mountain, don’t ask why. Just hang on, scream, and enjoy the ride. Even if it makes no sense at all. It doesn’t have to- it’s Space Mountain!